


Could You Be Loved

by Vintage1Der (suddenwaves)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Friends to Lovers, Lisbon - Freeform, M/M, Photographer Harry, Second Chances, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 08:42:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8526448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suddenwaves/pseuds/Vintage1Der
Summary: What if you had a second chance?Four years and a failed relationship later, Louis returns to the city where he once lived. Little did he know he would meet again the man he had not chosen once.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my love letter to Lisbon and to Larry.  
> I must thank [seasurfacefullofclouds](https://seasurfacefullofclouds.tumblr.com) for being so enthusiastic with her support. The idea of setting the story in Lisbon was actually hers.  
> Thank you [jekneebee](http://jekneebee.tumblr.com) for proof-reading, making suggestions and just being amazing. You deserve all the good things.  
> I did not always accept her suggestions, so any mistakes are completely mine.  
> Finally: my beautiful beloved friends, my Anas: [strawberryblonde4ever](http://strawberryblonde4ever.tumblr.com) and [anitasundays](http://anitasundays.tumblr.com). This fic is as much yours as it is mine. Thank you for reading and suggesting and telling me what worked and what didn’t and just being the most amazing cheerleaders. I love you both and I'm so lucky to have you.  
> Here’s a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/xanoquita/playlist/6baRAJzqe06rskLb2tDwLS) of the songs I listened to while writing. Some are connected to the story; some were just to help me get in the right mood.  
> This is my first work of fiction, so any feedback is appreciated. Come say hi on [tumblr](http://vintage1der.tumblr.com)!
> 
> Russian translation available here https://ficbook.net/readfic/5268370/13571129, thanks blueberryhazza!

                                                                  

 

** **

 

**DAY 1 **

**_London, Gatwick, 4:30 pm_ **

 

Louis jammed his weekend bag in the overhead compartment and sat in his assigned seat. It was only a two and a half hour flight, he would get there just in time for Niall’s birthday dinner.

Louis let his head rest on the back of his seat and smiled to himself.

_Lisboa._

He was going back to Lisbon.

Almost 4 years had passed since he’d been there. He had spent a school year there on an exchange program. And he had loved every minute. He and Niall had applied together and had been lucky enough to get to go to the same city.

Niall ended up meeting Ana and never came back.

Louis came back because Jack went there to get him.

After that, he had never gone back. Niall kept inviting him, saying everybody missed him and that he had a guest room where he could stay. He missed Niall, sure, but he came home at least twice a year and they skyped regularly.  It just never seemed like the right time. Jack was either busy with work, or they had some extra expenses or… _be honest with yourself, Tommo. He didn’t want to go and you indulged him_.

He always did. He had ended up resenting Jack for that and hating himself for always being the one giving shit up and doing everything he could to make things work.

A few months ago he had finally told Niall over Skype that he and Jack were over.

The first thing his Irish friend said was: “I’m sorry to hear that, mate. Are you alright? Wait, does that mean that now that you got rid of Jack-ass you will finally come visit me for my birthday?”

Louis had barked a laugh and covered his mouth, giggling. “Jack-ass, Niall? Really? I thought you liked him!”

He saw Niall shrug on his computer screen. “Ah… well… you’re my best friend and he was your boyfriend, what was I supposed to do? You loved him, I was nice to him, that’s it. I never thought he was right for you though.”

“Oh… okay… I had no idea, you always seemed to get along, but then again, you get along with everybody. Why did you never say anything?”

“Really, Tommo? Be honest man, if I had said something, would you have listened?”

“Uh… I guess not... Shit, I didn’t even listen to _myself_ …” It was true. He’d realised it afterwards. All the signs had been there and he had refused to see them. It wasn’t until it was all over and he had had time to think about it all, that he’d realised how toxic and unhealthy his relationship had been.

“There you go… I thought it was best to keep my mouth shut and be here to pick up the pieces if you needed me.”

“Jeez, Niall, I’m impressed with how mature you sound. Look at you, all grown up and shit.”

“Nah… I wanted to smack you. It was actually Ana who told me to shut the fuck up, mind my own business and that sooner or later you’d come to your senses.”

“Ah! Of course! I knew Ana was the brains in that relationship!”

They both laughed. Louis had actually been the one to introduce Ana to Niall, back then. The Portuguese girl shared some of his classes and they’d become fast friends. She was quick and witty and the only person in the whole world who could drink Niall under the table. Louis knew immediately she and Niall would get along like a house on fire.

And they did. So much that after a couple of months they had rented a small but cosy flat in Graça and moved in together.

“Anyway”, Louis resumed, “it’s all in the past now, me and Jack are done and for the first time in years I’m feeling like myself again. Damn, Niall, I was such an idiot…”

“You were not an idiot, Louis. You loved him. Love can make you stupid. You were invested in your relationship and you did all you could to make it work. Shame you were the only one doing it…”

“Yeah… Well, it doesn’t matter now. You can bet your pale Irish arse I’ll be there for your birthday!”

“Fuck yeah! I’m gonna get you wasted on [_morangoskas_](https://66.media.tumblr.com/76a6d7d8e92be2b2306e5ad5c5750c2a/tumblr_ogai24Kiyn1sfy5vuo3_500.jpg), remember those?”

Louis groaned. “I do! Bitch of a hangover though…”

 

And that’s how he found himself on a plane headed to Lisbon on a Friday afternoon.

Lisbon meant friends and sunshine and cold beer and seafood and amazing coffee – god, he missed a Portuguese espresso or “ _bica_ ”; you could find some places in London that had it, but they were obscenely expensive and they _did not_ taste the same.

Lisbon meant having dinner late and then going out for drinks and staying on the street, outside the bars, enjoying the warm summer nights and the ever present smell of the sea.

Lisbon meant terraces by the river, beautiful cobblestone streets, streetcars, good wine and very nice people.

Oh, how he missed it all. This weekend was going to be so good.

 

**_Lisbon, 7:30 pm_ **

Niall was waiting for him at the airport with a ridiculous sign with letters painted in glitter saying “The Tommo”.

He ran into his friend’s arms, both of them screaming and laughing like the grown up children they were.

Less than an hour later they were at Niall and Ana’s flat, where she was waiting for them with a wide grin.

“ _Luis Guilherme!! Até que enfim!_ About time you decided to ditch that scumbag, you fucking idiot!!!”

Ana was a dark haired chubby girl, with beautiful intelligent brown eyes, the warmest smile and a potty mouth that would make a seasoned sailor blush. She was also the only person who called him _Luis Guilherme_ , a translation of Louis William to Portuguese. She was a little shit who loved to piss him off.

Louis hugged her tight, hiding his face in his friend’s neck, realising how much he’d missed her.

“You never did like him, did you?

“Well, he never liked _you_ …”

Another truth.

After giving Louis a set of keys, showing him his room and dropping his bag, they headed for the subway.

“Where’s dinner?” Louis asked.

“Hennessy’s”.

“Are you fucking taking the piss, Nialler? An Irish pub? I come all the way from London and you’re taking me to an Irish pub? Unfuckingbelievable…”

“Sod off, Tommo, it’s my birthday and the rest of the guys love it too, so suck it up. Oh, by the way, I haven’t told anyone you were coming, so you better get yourself ready to be smothered!”

A few minutes later they were walking into the dining room of the Irish Pub, where at least six other people were already waiting and drinking.

The first one to spot Louis was João, a tall dark haired bearded Portuguese guy who jumped and shouted “LOUIS?!?!?!” and the next second Louis feet had left the ground and he was being held so tight he was actually out of breath. João’s boyfriend, Ricardo, was there next, saying “Oh for god’s sake, put the poor man down, you’re going to send him to the hospital, you brute!” And then he grabbed Louis face with his hands and kissed both of his cheeks while saying “What a surprise! So happy to see you again, man!”

Louis was smiling so hard his face hurt. Alex and his Spanish girlfriend, Nerea, were also there, as were another two of Louis former classmates, Inês and Susana, all trying to hug him and kiss him, speaking all over each other in the good Portuguese way.

Amongst all the effusiveness of his friends, Louis managed to notice that one person had stayed behind.

It could not be. No way.

But there was no mistake. The green eyes, the mane of chocolate curls, the broad shoulders and the slight slouch. A shy smile and those fucking dimples.

_Harry._

Louis took a deep breath. He wasn’t expecting this. Niall hadn’t mentioned Harry ever since Louis had left four years ago and he was always telling him about everyone. Louis had assumed Harry had left Lisbon too, he hadn’t dared ask.

Suddenly, everything and everyone around him was a blur and he felt like he was moving under water.

A hesitant smile. An extended hand.

“Hi, Louis…”

“Hi, Harry… nice to see you, how are you?”

“Good. You…?”

“Yeah… good…”

_Impressive, Tommo…_

Louis swallowed and with a small smile opened his arms in invitation. “Don’t I get a hug?”

Harry’s eyes twinkled with mischief, a smile lit up his beautiful face and he whispered “Of course…” He engulfed Louis’ small frame in a bear hug that left him with his face buried in Harry’s neck. Louis inhaled the smell of sea and wood and Harry and he just didn’t want to let go…

Although it was Niall’s birthday, Louis was the star tonight. His friends missed him and wanted to catch up so he couldn’t really dwell on why Harry was here and why Niall hadn’t mentioned him. Over the course of dinner he managed to catch Niall and Ana looking at him and exchanging looks and he knew this was their doing.

 

After dinner, they decided to climb [Rua do Alecrim](https://66.media.tumblr.com/1b1504b003b36fa027f5d2554fbfb5a4/tumblr_ogai24Kiyn1sfy5vuo7_1280.jpg), headed to Bairro Alto. About half way up, Ana said “Hey, Louis, you know your beloved David Beckham was here recently?”

“Yeah, I saw something, he did a [commercial](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYjwXjwvAv0), wasn’t it?”

“Indeed… Did you know that that barbershop was all over the news, because they don’t allow women inside?”

“Well…” Louis was confused. “It is a barbershop, what would a woman do there?”

“Oh, I don’t know, wait for her boyfriend, or her son, or whomever. You don’t understand: it’s not that they don’t service women: women are not _allowed_ inside. They have a [sign on the door](https://67.media.tumblr.com/341e060854df40cf7e6826c9a21111d5/tumblr_inline_ogai7fRC5t1qko7f4_540.jpg) with a picture of a dog and a picture of a woman, saying the dogs can get inside, but women can’t.”

“What?! You fucking with me?!”

“She isn’t”, Harry added. “It pains me to say that David lost some points with that one.” Everybody else nodded and started talking about how disgusting the whole thing was and how it had been all over social media and there were people defending it.

Louis shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe shit like that is still happening in this century…”

They kept walking up the steep street, Louis calves were aching, Lisbon was not a friendly city to walk, with all the up and downs and the cobblestones, though pretty, were not comfortable at all. He had always been amazed at how people could walk these streets in heels.

Harry had fallen into step beside him and Louis gave him a sideways glance. He looked good. He had probably spent the summer here in Portugal and his skin was tanned golden. He’d grown a bit too, since Louis had seen him last. His chest and shoulders seemed wider, but it was hard to tell because he was always kind of slouching.

Louis met Harry for the first time just a few weeks after his first arrival in Lisbon. João was in Louis’ class and Harry had been friends with him since they were little. Harry’s parents divorced when he was very young and his father had moved to Portugal and so Harry split his time between Lisbon and London, where his mother lived. João started bringing Harry along when the whole group went out on the weekends, thinking that, since he was British, he could help Louis and Niall adjust.

Louis and Harry clicked immediately.  They had a very similar sense of humour and bonded over music, films, books and TV shows. They always had something to talk about, something to share and many times they had found themselves immersed in conversation, ignoring everything else, lost in their own bubble and only noticing when all the others were gone and they were the only ones left at the table or at the bar where they’d ended up.

At the time, Louis knew he was strongly attracted to Harry. However, Louis held that attraction in check.  He had been dating Jack for almost two years before he came to Lisbon and although Jack was back in London, he still came to visit once in a while, they Skyped almost daily and texted all the time. Everyone had met him, including Harry, who had been polite but a bit standoffish.

Louis had decided that his attraction to Harry was merely a symptom of being alone, away from his boyfriend and tried his best not to give it much thought. Not that it worked…

And now here they were again, like no time had passed, drinking _morangoskas_ , walking through the crowd filled narrow streets of Bairro Alto.  All the bars had their doors open, people were dancing, drinking, talking, just a regular Friday night.

The whole group ended up on [Miradouro de S. Pedro de Alcântara](https://67.media.tumblr.com/750b1fa993f8db777ed854e0e8c55c64/tumblr_ogai24Kiyn1sfy5vuo6_1280.jpg), a common spot for young people that hadn’t changed since Louis had left.

Harry and Louis stood side by side, leaning on the railings. The city spread beneath them, melting towards the river. Louis took a deep breath and said “You knew I was coming tonight.” It was not a question. “Yes,” Harry replied, “Ana called me. I haven’t been out with them much, though they always let me know when they get together. She said she wanted to make sure I had a chance to see you and it was up to me to take it or not.”

Louis glanced at him over his shoulder, his hands gripping the railing. “I’m glad you decided to come…”

“Yeah… me too. It is good to see you, you… you look good… happy…”

Louis smiled. “I am.” He turned his back to the railing, facing Harry. “I am happy and… I don’t know how to explain it… for the first time I feel… serene, I think.”

Harry smiled back. “It suits you.” He hesitated then, pushing his hair backwards. “Look, Lou… I wanted to ask you… do you have any plans for tomorrow...? I would really like to spend some time with you… if you want to, of course… you don’t have to, I mean… I completely understand if…”

“Yes.” Louis stated. “I don’t have any plans for tomorrow and I would very much like to spend some time with you too.”

Harry smiled openly, eyes shining, dimples on full display. God, he was gorgeous and Louis felt himself falling into Harry’s pull all over again.

“Ok, then, I was thinking we could meet for lunch? [Portas do Sol](https://65.media.tumblr.com/b8c857ff4b232a449dfa0e1625c4b63e/tumblr_ogai24Kiyn1sfy5vuo1_1280.jpg)?”

“Sounds perfect. Say around noon?”

“Yeah! Great! I’ll be there…”

Right about then the whole group seemed to decide it was time to go and Louis found himself being hugged and kissed all over again, promising to keep in touch and come back more often and then he, Niall and Ana were headed home.

When he fell into bed, he thought about what a strange day it had been.

He had woken up in his own bed back in London, went to work, left at lunch, flew to Lisbon, met his friends and… Harry… he had not seen that coming. He realised he was smiling. Harry had always done that to him, always made him feel at ease, always made Louis feel he had Harry’s full attention.

It was a good feeling, after all those years of being with someone that made him feel like his thoughts and opinions were silly and unimportant.

At that moment, his phone buzzed with a text message from an unknown number.

“ _Hi, it’s Harry. I asked Ana for your number, hope you don’t mind. I just wanted to say goodnight.”_

 **Louis:** _“I may need to have a few words with our friend Ana, she can’t just be giving away my number to strangers, no matter how cute they are.”_

 **Harry:** _“You think I’m cute, then? Good, the feeling is mutual. It was really good seeing you today, Lou…”_

 **Louis:** _“Yeah, it was good seeing you too. I’ve missed you, Curly. See you tomorrow?”_

 **Harry:** _“I’ve missed you too… See you tomorrow, xx”_

Louis fell asleep with a smile on his face and a warm feeling inside his chest.

 

                                                                                                                         

 

** DAY 2 **

The sun was shining when Louis arrived at Portas do Sol café. He’d decided to walk from Niall’s place. He loved walking through this city, there was always something to discover, an alley he hadn’t seen, a statue he’d never noticed. He was wearing only a white t-shirt, blue jeans and, thankfully he’d remembered to pack them, his beloved Ray Bans.

Harry was already there, sitting at a table near the railing, facing the river down below. A cruise ship was making its way toward the ocean, gliding over the smooth waters.

He looked up when Louis approached, he picked up his camera and shot a couple of pictures as Louis was walking towards him

“Stop it, Harold, you’re making me feel awkward, I never know what to do in front of a camera.”

“You don’t have to do anything… Lisbon light suits you, you look like a golden god.”

Louis giggled, covering his mouth. “Put that thing down or I’ll throw it over the balcony!”

“Alright, alright, I’m putting it down… Have a seat.”

Harry had already ordered a bottle of [rose wine](https://66.media.tumblr.com/cef8635e69abbe427ccd4a282de630f1/tumblr_ogai24Kiyn1sfy5vuo9_1280.jpg) and he poured a glass for Louis as Louis looked at the menu. They both decided on sandwiches and relaxed against their chairs while waiting for the food.

“So, Curly, tell me what you’ve been up to these past four years…”

And Harry told him how he’d taken a year off, between graduating high school and going to college. He had travelled all over Europe with a backpack and his camera. It was clearly something he’d enjoyed. He got expressive telling Louis stories about the places he’d seen, people he’d met. Louis was enthralled by the brightness of his eyes and his deep, slow voice, which made even the most trivial thing sound remarkable.

He then told Louis he had actually been living in London for the past three years, studying and coming to Portugal only on school breaks to be with his dad. He was going back to England in a few weeks and Louis couldn’t help the glimmer of… _hope_? he felt at those words.

After a while, they fell silent, facing each other across the table. The food was gone and only the wine remained.

“Do you remember that night?” Harry asked softly.

“The boring party night?” Louis replied.

“Yeah…”

Louis smiled, his eyes crinkling. “Of course I remember. We were bored and decided to leave and didn’t tell anyone. We went to, I don’t know how many clubs and ended up drunk in [_Jamaica_](https://67.media.tumblr.com/0e352bd9403733f97f2c2199eb681661/tumblr_inline_ogaio36Y2o1qko7f4_540.jpg).”

Harry laughed. “We did!” A little under his breath he added: “How many times did we listen to _“Could you be loved”_ that night?”

“I don’t know… but I think they played it at every single place we went…” Louis looked down, suddenly embarrassed that he remembered such a detail.

“You know they shut it down?”

“They shut what down? _Jamaica_?! No way? Why?”

Harry shrugged. “Dunno… they’re going to build an hotel or something… it’s been happening all over the city for the past years. Lisbon suddenly became fashionable…”

“But… _Jamaica_ was like… I don’t know… a classic! That thing was open since the 70s. I remember they always closed with ‘The Last Waltz’, from that Scorcese movie.”

“Yeah, I know… but money speaks louder, you know how it is…”

“I know… it just makes me sad… I have fond memories from that place…”

“Me too…”

They exchanged a look, both smiling and Louis felt the blush rise from his chest to his cheeks. Ah, well, blame it on the wine and the sun.

“I made you a mix tape back then” said Harry.

“You did what…?” said Louis, eyes wide with surprise.

“Yeah…” Harry grabbed the back of his neck, a rosy tone suddenly on his cheeks. “I don’t know, it was kind of lame, I guess, but I got home that night and needed to remember all the songs we had listened and danced to so I burned a CD. I wanted to give it to you, but… yeah, it doesn’t matter…”

That night was engraved in Louis memory.

They were out as usual on a Friday night and the whole group somehow had ended up at a party of people they didn’t know. The music had been awful and the people were too drunk. Louis was just about to go home when Harry had asked “want to get out of here?” and off they went.

They roamed Lisbon looking for a place with nice music, going in and out of clubs, until Harry thought of _Jamaica_ and they’d decided to go there.

Louis remembered they were both a bit drunk, dancing together and giggling.

There had been a moment when Louis went to the bathroom and when he came back Harry was standing alone, hands in pockets, leaning against a column. Louis had allowed himself to stare at him for a minute, admiring his broad shoulders and slim waist. The alcohol made him a little brave and he had stepped softly behind Harry, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his cheek on a strong shoulder blade. He had felt Harry inhale deeply and then his bigger hands had rested over Louis smaller ones and he had let his weight fall back on Louis. They had stayed like that for a moment, swaying with the music.

Later, going back to the car, Louis had asked him: “Will you give me a hug…?” Without saying a word, Harry had stood in front of him and hugged him fiercely, burying his nose in Louis neck. They stayed like that for a long time. Then Louis had leaned back, just a little, and he had looked into Harry’s eyes and pressed his lips against Harry’s.

That was the only time they kissed.

Harry had been the one to break the kiss, Louis wanted more but Harry had stepped back, saying “no, no, sorry, I can’t do this, sorry, no…”

Leaving Louis feeling breathless, guilty and confused.

They’d each gone home after that.

Louis’ head was a mess. He was with Jack. He loved Jack. Didn’t he?

He tried to be honest with himself and what he was feeling. The truth was Harry was the person he thought about when he heard a new song, or read something about a new film with his favourite actor, or when he was overwhelmed with schoolwork and wanted to vent, or… _shit…_

Harry. Harry with his gorgeous smile and his wicked sense of humour. Harry who always understood Louis’ references. Harry who was so easy to talk to. Harry who made him feel so comfortable and relaxed. Harry who made his heart jump every time he walked into the room… _SHIT!_

He had a good thing with Jack. They had been together for almost two years now. How could he just throw it all away? And for what? For someone he liked to talk to? Someone with similar tastes? Harry had never showed him anything more. They were friends. Fuck, Harry had backed away when Louis kissed him!

Harry knew Louis was dating Jack, but he had never said “leave him and be with me”. Louis needed that. Louis would leave Jack if Harry asked him, but only if he knew Harry would remain by his side. He knew he was being a coward, but he just didn’t have it in him to leave Jack for nothing. Or did he?

Even if Harry didn’t feel the same, was Louis being honest to Jack? Wouldn’t it be better to just break up with Jack?

But… they’d been together for quite a while. His mum liked Jack. Jack’s parents loved Louis; they treated him like a son. How could he just end it? What would he say? Hell, what would he say to Jack _?! “Ah, sorry, I kind of have the hots for another guy…”_

Louis felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

So for the next few days he had avoided Jack. He had disconnected his phone and found excuses that he was too busy with school when Jack skyped him at night. Jack sensed that something was wrong. He was not stupid. So he hopped on a plane and came to Lisbon to get his man. He showed up on Louis doorstep with a bouquet of red roses, eyes brimming with tears and saying all the right things. All the things Louis had been waiting to hear. _I love you. Please don’t leave me. I don’t know how to live without you. I want us to move in together as soon as possible. I want to build a life with you. I love you, I love you, I love you…_

Louis had chosen him.

Four years later, here he was, single and sitting with the man that had messed with his head and his heart. The man he had never forgotten… His “ _what if…_ ” 

“Shall we take a walk and have coffee in a different place?” Harry suggested, interrupting Louis reverie.

“Sure…”

They started walking towards the river, side by side on the narrow streets. Conversation was easy between them, like it has always been. They talked about football and music and books and films and little stories of things that had happened in the past few years, jumping from one subject to another, stopping to laugh or point at something. It was nice.

A while later they reached [Praça do Comércio](https://66.media.tumblr.com/d7912bab8bfd4ab6f29e34a94dbcc299/tumblr_ogai24Kiyn1sfy5vuo2_1280.jpg). Louis had to stop to look at the magnificent square. It never failed to take his breath away.

“It is impressive, isn’t it?” Harry asked, standing beside him. He was holding his camera again, taking pictures. “I must have like a thousand pictures of it, but I can never resist it. It’s possibly one of the most beautiful plazas in Europe. And there’s no light like Lisbon light. A photographer’s dream.”

Louis had to agree.

They headed to [Ribeira das Naus](https://66.media.tumblr.com/4695bf4986ef1e0d298037abeed45e1c/tumblr_inline_ogaiduTwFn1qko7f4_540.jpg) and walked by the river, towards Cais do Sodré. This whole area was quite different from the last time Louis had been there. It had been renovated and it had been cut from traffic, allowing people to walk, sit on a terrace or just bask in the sun, near the river.

They sat at one of the [many tables](https://67.media.tumblr.com/b03199af25eb14d29f9bebd02b76a398/tumblr_ogai24Kiyn1sfy5vuo5_1280.jpg), under a huge parasol and Louis said to Harry: “Will you order for me, please? I love hearing you speak Portuguese, the language becomes your voice…”

Harry just smiled and ordered two ‘bicas’.

Louis leaned back in his chair, his eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of the September sun on his skin.

“Lou… it’s ok if you don’t want to tell me… but what happened? Between you and Jack?”

Louis sighed. It was hard to explain.

“Nothing specific happened. I mean, it was not one of those situations when something big happens and the whole thing goes to shit. Neither one of us cheated or anything. It was… kind of a gradual thing. Our relationship was never really that strong, you know? I guess… we wanted different things…”

He sighed again.

“After that night… the one when we went to Jamaica… I was really confused.”

He risked a look towards Harry, who was biting his lip.

“I needed some space to think things through and didn’t talk to him most of the following week. Next thing I know, he shows up here, saying all I ever wanted to hear and I… I don’t know… I played it safe. I had already invested two years of my life in that relationship and he seemed so honest and regretful of all the times he had neglected me… I loved him and decided to stay with him. Then I went back home, we found a flat, moved in together and at first it was alright. But… it was like he had made his statement when he came over to Lisbon to get me back and he didn’t need to do anything else afterwards. He was always saying I was too ‘sappy’ or too ‘needy’”. Louis made air quotes with his fingers.

“Most of the time I felt like I was fighting for the relationship on my own. I think he… it was like he loved me against his will. Like he resented himself for loving me. I put up with it for a long time, don’t ask me why, I’ve asked myself the same thing over and over… A couple of years later I realised I was miserable and he didn’t even noticed it… One Friday night we had a fight, I can’t even remember how it started. And suddenly I couldn’t do it anymore. It was like someone had turned off a switch inside me and I couldn’t feel anything about him anymore, like something died all of a sudden…”

Louis closed his eyes, remembering the moment when he had sat on the kitchen floor, head against the cabinets and said “ _Please leave…_ ”

“So that was it, I told him I was going to my friend Liam’s for the weekend and that he had until Sunday night to get all his stuff and when I came back he was gone.”

Harry was looking at him with glistening eyes. “God, Louis… I’m so sorry… He loved you against his will? Shit, I don’t care if that’s how he felt or not, but the simple fact that he made you feel that way? That’s fucked up…”

“I know, I know. The whole thing was toxic and I only realised it on hindsight. You know what the saddest part is? When I came home that Sunday night and found he was really gone, I felt so relieved… I had ended a five year long relationship and I wasn’t even sad…”

“And how do you feel now? Are you done with relationships for the time being?”

“I don’t know. I’m not looking for anything. I’m not saying that if someone comes along I’m not willing to try, but the difference is that now I know what I want.”

“And what is it that you want then, Lou?”

“I want someone who choses me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean love is not about deciding to be together and that’s it. Love is a conscious choice. In spite of all the shit going on in your daily life, you choose each other. You choose to love each other. Every single day. That’s what I want. Someone who chooses me. If I don’t find anyone, it’s alright. I choose me. I’m not alone. I have a full life. I have friends and family. I don’t need a boyfriend just for the sake of it. I can assure you I prefer to be happily single than miserable in a relationship.”

Harry smiled at him. “I’m glad you feel that way. You seem to have settled things in your head, that’s healthy…”

Louis stretched his arms over his head and smiled too.

“Enough about me, how about you, Curly, any heartbreaks? Hot and steamy romances? Tell me all about it.”

“Nah… nothing like that. Had a few affairs, here and there, most of them fun and no strings attached. Nothing serious and certainly no broken hearts.”

They sat there in silence for a few more minutes, until Harry said:

“Lou… back then… if I had asked… would you have broken up with Jack to be with me?”

Louis turned from where he was sprawled on the chair, facing the river and with sun full on his face. He opened on eye and looked at Harry.

“Yes, I would have, but you never asked…”

“I almost did, you know?”

“Mmmm… why didn’t you then? You knew I was into you, you knew I would have said yes, didn’t you?”

“I did… and I guess that’s why I didn’t ask. I knew what you wanted, but I just couldn’t give it to you.”

“And what was that? What did you think I wanted?”

“Stability. A solid relationship. A partner. Someone to build a life with. I was scared shitless. There were so many things I wanted to do and I felt that… that you would hold me back. That if I stayed with you I would have to give it all up, I would have to stay put, get a job, get my shit together and be a grown up. I was so afraid I would become… boring, I guess.”

“I understand. I do. I was, hell, I _am_ pretty boring compared to you. You’ve travelled the world, met interesting people and taken photographs of the most amazing places on Earth. God, I moved in with my boyfriend, got a degree, got a job and that’s it. For what it’s worth, I don’t think we would have worked back then. We were in different places and we probably would have ended up resenting each other.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. We would have destroyed each other, Harry. I was wrong with what I wanted, you know? So wrong… I could have stayed here another year or I could have applied for another year in another country, but no, I decided to become all domestic and move in with Jack the second he asked, because I was just so eager to start that part of my life. If I hadn’t done it though, I know I would probably regret it. At the time I was so sure that was what I wanted. I guess in life there are mistakes you just have to make and that’s how you learn and grow.”

Harry looked at him then, tilting his face to the side a little, which gave him a feline look.

“I guess you’re right. I regretted it, you know? Not having had the guts to ask you to stay with me. I can’t even begin to tell you how happy it makes me that you think it probably wouldn’t have worked. All this time I have always wondered…”

“What if….?”

“Exactly. What if?”

“To be completely honest, Harry, I have wondered it many, many, times too. You are also my ‘what if’…”

Their eyes locked then and Louis felt something loosening inside his chest. Maybe, just maybe… Could it be not too late for them? Where they finally on the same page? Harry’s green eyes didn’t waver from Louis’. Harry’s hand reached for Louis’ over the table and he squeezed it. Louis turned his palm up, lacing their fingers together. They both smiled simultaneously and stayed like that, facing each other, hands entwined, while the sun began to set over the river.

Harry took his hand when they started walking again. Not even looking down, Louis entwined their fingers and they walked around some more, the setting sun giving a golden shimmer to the city and the river. They didn’t talk much this time, Louis was feeling like he was thirteen again, holding hands with his high school crush and feeling light and shiny.

Suddenly he remembered something. “Haz, do you still have the Jeep?” Harry looked at him and barked a laugh. “Oh, my poor [UMM](https://66.media.tumblr.com/d9c9a99feabf2199d90508a6a352b3d6/tumblr_inline_ogaoypw9HL1qko7f4_540.jpg), don’t remind me, I miss it so much! No, I had to get rid of it. It got to a point where it kept breaking down and it was just too expensive to repair it.”

“So what do you drive now? I know how it is over here, everyone has a car, it’s a necessity.”

“My dad got me a Smart.” Harry grimaced.

“From the look on your face I’m guessing you don’t like it…”

“It’s… I don’t know… too _modern_. I like old cars, they have personality. And…” Harry hesitated, blushing a little and now Louis was curious.

“And what? No back seat for a quickie?”

Harry’s smile turned wicked. “No, you dirty bugger! That brain of yours, really… No, it’s just that… it has central locking…”

Louis’ breath caught. “Oh…I… I see…” He knew immediately what Harry was saying. He felt his stomach flutter, because by saying that, Harry was letting him know that he knew Louis would remember.

Louis hesitated for a second and then asked “Has anyone else passed the test?”

“The car door test?” Harry glanced at him over his shoulder. Then smiled and looked down. “No. Even those who opened the door, didn’t know about the film like you did.”

Another moment that Louis remembered as clear as day. It had been such a small thing. Like a thousand other small things that had happened between them back then. They had all been out to dinner and they were going to hit a club afterwards. Harry had asked Louis to ride with him, so that he could listen to some song they had been talking about over dinner. Damien Rice probably… They approached Harry’s decrepit blue Jeep and Harry opened the passenger door for him. Louis sat down and while Harry went around the back of the car, Louis leaned over and unlocked the driver’s door. Harry had gotten inside, looked at him and asked: “Did you watch the film?” and Louis had merely looked at him and said: “Yes”.

They were both talking about “A Bronx Tale”, where Chazz Palmentieri’s character teaches a young man how to find out if a girl is right for him:

_"Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her."_

_"Just like that?"_

_"Listen to me, kid. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she's a selfish broad and all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast."_

Louis couldn’t help but to feel a little proud. Harry smiled at him. “I only did the test a couple of times, to be honest. I had to stop doing it, because it reminded me too much of you and everyone else always faded in comparison…”

Louis gulped, trying hard not to trip over his own feet. He risked a glance towards Harry, but he kept walking, facing forward, hands in pockets, like he hadn’t just released a hundred butterflies inside Louis’ stomach.

 

Night had fallen. They hadn’t eaten anything since the sandwiches they’d had for lunch and they were both getting hungry.

“Come”, Harry said, “I know a nice place for us to have dinner.”

Soon they were sitting at a table with a plaid tablecloth, on a [narrow street with stairs](https://66.media.tumblr.com/ca140979e496c81201899e6420bfe746/tumblr_ogai24Kiyn1sfy5vuo8_500.jpg), the castle lurking in the horizon.

They ordered fish and wine and sat facing each other. Harry was the first one to talk.

“So, I was thinking… Like I told you, I’m studying in London and I’m going back there in a few weeks…”

“So you said.” Louis replied.

“And… if you’d like to… we could maybe… I dunno… meet… maybe go out for a drink or something?”

Louis smiled. “Of course. You have my number, let me know when you’re free and we can meet. I’d love to.”

Harry smiled back, dimples on full display. “Oh, ok. Great, yeah… I’ll do that.”

They finished their dinner mostly in silence. Silence could be comfortable, Louis loved it, but he had never experienced it with another person. He was not anxious or wondering what was wrong. His mind was not racing a mile a minute trying to figure out something to talk about. He just was. And it felt good.

Louis didn’t want the night to end just yet. They were done with dinner and they had spent practically the whole day together, but Louis was not ready to go. Not yet.

“Harry, do you know any place where we could go listen to fado?”

Harry thought for a moment. “Sure, there are a few places nearby we can check, not the ones for tourists. The real ones.”

They headed for Bairro Alto, just like the night before, but instead of going to the streets with all the bars, Harry steered them through some backstreets until they got to a small restaurant, where the guitars could be heard from the outside.

Louis was not really a fan of fado, at least not recorded. But there was something very visceral and emotional about hearing it performed live. Even if the singer was not brilliant, the moaning of the Portuguese guitar and the raw emotion most singers seemed to convey, was different to any other type of music Louis had ever heard. It was all very dramatic and intense and Louis loved that side of it.

They found a table at the back and sat quietly side by side. The singer was a short man, in his mid-forties, his voice hoarse but strong, like that of someone who had lost way too many nights to smoking and drinking.

Harry put his arm on the back of Louis’ chair and Louis leaned into him. He turned his face so he could whisper into Harry’s ear. “Translate for me...” And then he rested his head on Harry’s shoulder.

[ _I know you’re waiting for me_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46XFXRCLpwA)

_As always, as before_

_In the arms of dawn._

_I know there is no end in us,_

_We are eternal lovers_

_That have loved nothing else…_

Louis closed his eyes, immersed in the sound of the guitars, the singer saying the words like they were coming from his gut and Harry whispering softly in his ear.

They stayed for a while longer and finally left, walking slowly through the mostly empty streets, still holding hands.

“Thank you for today, Harry...”

Harry didn’t reply. He stopped and turned his body towards Louis, but kept looking down.

“I really want to kiss you…” he said softly.

Louis squeezed the hand he was holding, trying to make Harry look up. When he didn’t, Louis put two fingers under Harry’s chin, pushing his face up. Harry’s green eyes were shining under the lamppost lights.

Moving closer to Harry, but not close enough to touch him, Louis whispered “Then kiss me...”

Harry leaned forward and pushed his lips against Louis’. His mouth was soft and warm and Louis felt dizzy. The kiss was slow and languid, no tongues, just a lingering of parted lips. It was like Harry was tasting him, taking his time with his mouth, almost afraid to break the magic of the moment if he did anything more passionate.

It was the best kiss of Louis life.

They were both a bit breathless after and Harry looked into Louis’ eyes, reaching for his other hand. “How could someone be lucky enough to have you love them and not feel like the luckiest bastard on the planet?”

Louis released his hands only to wrap his arms around Harry’s waist, smiling and saying “Shut up and hold me”, as he buried his nose on the curve of Harry’s neck, inhaling deeply.

Harry held him tight and they stayed like that, breathing each other in, oblivious to people passing by.

 

                                                                                                                        

 

** DAY 3 **

Louis woke up the next morning with Ana knocking on his bedroom door. “Wake up! You better at least have breakfast with us before you leave, you traitor!”

Louis stretched, feeling warm and lazy. He found Ana and Niall in the kitchen, the smell of toast and coffee making his mouth water.

“So, Luis Guilherme, spill it. How was it yesterday?” said Ana, sitting next to Niall who was watching him with a wicked grin on his face.

“Yeah, Tommo, do tell.”

“You are both impossible and I’m not telling you anything. Give me food and coffee. Is this how you treat your guests? What a disgrace…”

Laughing, Ana put a cup of freshly made coffee in front of him, while Niall gave him a plate with buttered toast.

“Ok, seriously now. How was your day yesterday? Did you guys talk?” Ana insisted.

Louis couldn’t help the smile that spread on his face.

“It was a very nice day, Ana. Yes, we talked. We talked a lot, actually. It was good.”

“And…?”

“And nothing. We spent the day together. We talked. We ate. We drank wine. That’s it.”

“Are you not into him anymore, Louis?”

Louis raised an eyebrow at her. “Anymore? Who says I ever was?”

“We do!” said both Ana and Niall simultaneously. They both laughed and exchanged a small kiss.

Louis sighed, rolling his eyes, but still smiling. His friends were the worst.

“Yeah, I’m into him. Still. I think he’s into me too, considering some of the things he said yesterday.”

“OK, so did you agree on something?” Ana insisted.

“Not really. I mean, he said he was coming back to England in a few weeks and that he would call me then.”

“Are you going to wait until then? Why don’t you call him or text him in the meantime?”

“No.” said Louis firmly. He faced his friend and said it again. “No. I will not call him.”

He could see the shadow of sadness and understanding on both of his friends faces.

“I did a lot of that before. Not with him, but with everyone else I was ever involved with. I was always the one to call first. I was always the one insisting. I was always the one fighting. I think it’s time for someone to fight for me now.”

“But not always, right?” Ana said, looking into his eyes.

“No, love, not always. But right now that’s what I need. Four years ago I made a choice, because I was a coward and took the easiest path. But also because I wasn’t sure of Harry’s feelings for me. As I am not sure now. So I need him to make a move, if he wants me. I know the problems in my previous relationship are not his fault, but this is for me. I need to break the pattern. Just for once, I need to be the one someone is fighting for. And I think, _I hope_ , Harry understands that.”

“I hope so too, buddy” said Niall.

Ana stood behind Louis and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “You deserve all the good things, Lou. You’re an amazing person and I always thought Harry would be the right person for you. Just like you thought me and Ni would be right for each other.” She kissed his head and ruffled his hair. “No go get ready so we can take you to the airport.”

Louis leaned on his friend’s embrace and whispered in her ear “Thank you for calling him”.

Sunday evening and Louis was back in his London flat. He had said goodbye to his friends, they agreed to meet when they came to England for the holidays and he promised to visit again soon.

He checked his phone. A text from his mum and another one from Liam, making sure he had returned safely. He replied to both and went to bed.

 

                                                                                                                          

 

The week went by as usual: work, shopping, football practice, phone calls to his mum and sisters.

The following Friday, Louis was home alone. He was just wearing boxer shorts and an oversized sweater he’d stolen from his mum, from when she was pregnant, so it was huge on him, reaching almost his knees, but he loved it because it was soft and comfortable and he could tuck his legs under it when he sat on the couch.

The bell rang and he frowned. He was not expecting anyone, he had just texted Liam and they’d agreed to meet the next day for drinks.

Whatever, it was probably some salesman or something. The bell rang again and there was a knock on the door also.

He stood up, sighing. Better check it, it could be Mrs. Jones from next door, she sometimes asked for his help with small things, like climbing on top of a chair to change a lightbulb, because she was old and couldn’t do it herself.

He looked through the peephole and saw a mass of brown curls.

_What the hell?_

He shot the door wide open. Harry was standing there, phone in hand and he blushed as he looked up.

“Harry?”

“Hi…. I was… erm… I was gonna text you… sorry… is this a bad time?”

“No, of course it’s not. I’m… how are you here? How did you know where I live? Oh, for fuck’s sake, just come in, will you?”

He stepped back to let Harry inside and he noticed that Harry was checking him out, head to toe. Louis giggled. “Sorry for the outfit, I was not expecting any company…”

“No, please don’t apologise. You look… comfy…” Harry ran a hand through his hair. “Who am I kidding? You look fucking hot, Lou, like you always do.”

Giggling, Louis closed the door and reached for Harry’s coat and hung it on the perch. Then he straightened his back and looked Harry straight in the eyes.

“Why are you here, Harry?”

“I… I called Ana and… I told her I was thinking of visiting you soon and asked if maybe she could give me your address…”

“That’s not a why, Harry…”

“I know; I know… sorry… I…“ He laughed. “She told me if I didn’t get my ass on a plane this weekend and come here to sort everything with you she would cut my balls off and feed them to the cats.” He shivered. “God, she’s scary”

Louis smiled. “She is. So… you’re here because she told you to…?”

“No.” Harry took a deep breath. “I’m here because I need to talk to you. She just gave me the shove I needed. Louis… I… want…”

Louis stepped closer and placed his hands on Harry’s chest. This close, he had to look up to face Harry. Softly, he said: “What do you want, Harry…? I need you to say it…”

Tentatively, Harry placed his hands on Louis hips. “You. Us. I want… I want to try, Lou. I spent the last four years regretting being a coward and not asking you to stay with me. I don’t want to wait anymore. You are so amazing, Louis, I don’t want to lose you again.”

“You can stop talking right now.”

Harry pulled his hands from Louis’ body and looked at him, a spooked look on his face.

Louis grabbed his hands and looked right into his eyes. “We can talk afterwards…”

“Aft…. After what…?”

“Jesus Christ, Harry, how fucking oblivious are you? I spent the whole of last weekend half hard just from looking at you! Oh, we _will_ talk, I promise you that, but right now I’m done with talking. Right now I want you to take off your clothes and fuck me into the mattress, if you’re quite finished?”

Harry threw his head back laughing as he wrapped his hands around Louis’ waist. “Yes, please, I would very much like that, Mr. Tomlinson…”

“Fucking finally….” Said Louis, putting his arms around Harry’s neck and pulling him in for a long awaited kiss.

The moment their lips touched, it was like an electric shock ran through Louis body.

This was nothing like the other times they had kissed.

This was open mouths and hungry tongues and feverish touches and too many clothes and not enough skin and Louis just wanted and needed and he couldn’t get enough, he would never get enough of this man under his hands, of this mouth that was ravaging his own, he needed more, more, more…

Louis managed to pull Harry with him to the bedroom, his sweater had already been left behind and he didn’t even remember taking it off. He released Harry’s mouth just to say “take off those damned skinny jeans…” while he rummaged his bedside table for lube and condoms, that he immediately tossed on the bed.

Harry was already naked, pulling him close again, kissing him everywhere, whispering “I can’t believe this is actually happening, Louis, I’ve wanted you for so long, so so long…”

“I know… me too… yes, Harry… _fuck_ … yes…” he managed to babble between kisses and somehow Harry had his long fingers inside him and he just couldn’t think…

Minutes (or was it hours? Louis couldn’t say) passed. Hands and mouths, sweat and saliva, curses and promises…

“Oh, for god’s sake Harry, just stop teasing and _get in me_ already!”

Louis was on all fours on the bed, sweat dripping from his forehead, his hair a mess. Kneeling behind him, positioned between Louis’ spread legs, Harry leaned over him and, giggling, he nibbled Louis’ ear.

“Just like I thought…” he whispered, at the same time that his strong arm wrapped around Louis’ waist and Harry finally, _finally_ , slid into him in one swift move. Not releasing Louis waist, Harry sat back on his haunches, keeping Louis attached to his cock. Louis knees spread on the bed as he sunk into Harry’s lap, his back plastered to Harry’s chest, his head falling back on Harry’s shoulder.

Louis gasped and reached behind to grasp Harry’s hips. They didn’t move just then, Harry buried deep inside him, kissing his jaw, his other arm coming across Louis chest and holding his shoulder, pushing him down as Harry thrust his hips up.

Taking a shuddering breath, Louis managed to whisper “Just like you thought what…?”

“I always thought you’d be a bossy bottom”.

“Oh did you now?” said Louis, rolling his hips a little, making Harry release a “ _fuck_!” under his breath. “It seems you have given this some thought, young Harold…” another roll...

“You have no fucking idea…”

Louis continued rolling his hips, his head tilted back, leaning on Harry’s shoulder. “You know…” another hip roll… “I am also a very generous top…”

And this time it was Harry that thrust up and whispered “I’m not sure I believe you… _nnnngh_ … you’ll have to prove it…”

“Oh trust me… _fuck yeah, right there_ … it will be my pleasure…”

And then they stopped talking altogether, except for the curses that left their lips until they both finally fell on the bed, limbs entangled, chests heaving, bodies covered in sweat, wide and sated smiles.

“I can’t believe that just happened…” Harry said while he caressed Louis forehead, stroking a strand of his fringe back.

Louis closed his eyes, leaning his face into Harry’s palm and running a finger along his glistening chest.

“I know… I… it was… it was amazing… _You_ are amazing and I can’t believe after all this time you’re finally here. In my bed…”

Harry cupped his face and looked straight at him, his green eyes limpid and unwavering.

“I chose to be here. I’m choosing you, Louis. And I plan to choose you every day, if you’ll have me…”

Louis smiled. His voice was low and soft as he leaned over and brushed his lips over Harry’s.

“I’ll have you. I’m choosing you too, everyday…”

It was too soon for those other words, they would come in due time.

For now, this was their promise, their commitment.

For now, it was more than enough.

 

                                                                                                                          

 

 

Harry did not move in with him right away. They both needed time to get to know each other again and they had talked about it and decided they would eventually look for a new place together.

They went on dates, out to dinner, to the movies, meeting each other’s friends and their favourite places in London. Funny enough, they had never been together in London and it was like discovering the city all over again.

About two months after showing up on Louis’ doorstep, Harry arrived at his place with tickets for a Damien Rice show. Louis was ecstatic, he loved his music but had never had chance to watch him live.

They had good seats, quite close to the stage, and Louis was just so happy and relaxed, feeling Harry’s warmth right next to him, Harry’s arm over his shoulders.

While Damien was singing “ _I can’t take my eyes off of you…._ ” Harry leaned into his ear and whispered softly “I love you, Lou…”

Louis closed his eyes, trying hard to keep the tears from falling.

Taking a deep breath, he turned to face his boyfriend, this beautiful person that made him so happy. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe they had found their way back to each other.

Not holding back the tears anymore, because they were of happiness and nothing to be embarrassed about, he brushed Harry’s lips with his own and replied “I love you too. So much...”

And through the years, they made sure to repeat those same words every day.

Even when they fought and even when they were annoyed and frustrated with each other. They made a point to never, ever, go to bed angry.

Even on the bad days, they always went to bed together, they always cuddled before falling asleep and they always said “ _I love you. I didn’t like what you did today, but I still love you and I still choose to be here with you_.”

More than each other’s loves, they were each other’s choices.

 


End file.
